You knew I couldn’t do anything with you. Anything at all, ever. I don’t even find you physically attractive anyway, but the fact that you are always going to be my best friend’s first love is what really prevents me from being able to have any kind of relations with you. But you were drunk and you liked my tattoo and you kept touching it. I didn’t care, but then the touches spread to other areas of my body, and I knew I had to stop you. I told you to get off and pushed with all my might, but you’re much bigger than me so I stood no chance. You were a persistent motherfucker. I had no intentions of giving in and I kept fighting you, and then you finally said you would leave me with a kiss on the cheek. So I hesitantly said okay, since you’d kissed my cheek earlier and it was spontaneous and harmless. As your face got near I inched away, but finally I felt your lips on my cheek. That wasn’t a kiss on the cheek. That was a well-executed seduction technique. It was more like you somewhat made out with my cheek, except that sounds gross, and it wasn’t gross at all, strangely enough. For about three seconds, you kissed my cheek in a way I had never experienced or though of before. I actually felt a strong pang of something - desire? - shoot through my whole body and into my groin. I hadn’t felt anything as urgent as that in a long, long time. You probably know I’m sexually frustrated and haven’t gotten any sort of action in months, so that cheek-kiss-bullshit was pretty genius. That was when I wanted to give in, but that was when I also knew more than ever that I had to stop you. I pushed you off, this time with more force, and you kept touching, but this time I liked it. But I was more insistent than ever that you had to go away now. Now that I was tempted, it was even more vital that I didn’t do anything. You said, “You know I’m a fun guy…” and I said I knew, but that this couldn’t be happening for reasons he was well aware of. Plus, the way I know you’re a fun guy is from hearing the sex stories of my friends. That just made me feel weirder when you said that, because apparently you really are one of the funnest guys around in that sense. So that’s tempting as fuck, but the fact that I got that information from my best friends stopped me again. You still tried going in for the real kiss after that but I blocked you with a beer glass. You left soon after, and I don’t really like your appearance or even parts of your personality very much at all, and yet I was thinking about how that cheek-kiss made me feel for two days after that night. Now I can’t feel it quite so vividly, which is probably a good thing, but you had me more sexually frustrated than ever for those two days. I don’t even like you, I don’t even want to do anything with you, but now I need to do something with someone else. It can’t be you and you know why, but thanks for making me sexually frustrated as fuck. As if I wasn’t frustrated enough already. Fuck.